Crying all over again!

Last night, I had some girlfriends over who wanted to see our birth video and so we pulled it out for the first time. It was pretty hard to watch the first time through, but after my friends had gone, I nursed Kyle and watched it again. The tears were flowing all over again as I watched our miracle being born. Rudy, my friend Michelle and I shared such an intense experience together and it was just as intense watching our raw emotion on the screen. The second time around was much easier to watch and I was reminded of just what a miracle it was to give birth and to do it naturally, the way we had practiced and hoped for. I did tell Rudy (in case I forget) that I don't want to watch the video while pregnant again or close to delivering any future child. I hope to "forget" as much as possible from now until then! :)

With the experience fresh in my mind as well as my heart, I thought I'd journal about Kyle's birth. As I'm typing this, I'm wondering just how watered down I'll make it, knowing that Kyle will hopefully one day read this. I will, however, pour as much detail into what I can, just in case I forget things over the years. This will be long. :)

For you, my son. The story of how you came to be ...

As I blogged before, on Thursday, July 16th, my midwife was slightly concerned about my lack of weight gain and smaller sized belly. Since she was going on vacation for two weeks, she decided we needed to be proactive and get some tests ordered right away. Friday, the 17th, I went in for a NST (Non Stress Test) and we learned that Shmu was estimated to be about 6 lbs. and in the 30th percentile for weight. Shmu passed the test with the help of daddy playing with him. I was sent home with a follow up appointment made for Monday, the 20th. During that following appointment, Shmu had a significant dip in his heart rate and we were sent to Labor & Delivery for observation. The walk over to L&D was pretty nerve-racking. We were told we could be induced if Shmu didn't pass a Stress Test while in observation. At this point, this was a complete shock to us. All we knew was that we had seen one dip in a heart rate and all of a sudden we're faced with the very real possibility of delivering that very night! After laying down, quite uncomfortably for about 7 hours, we were sent home with instructions to return the following day. We were told that Shmu was 90% healthy, but that there was this 10% the doctors weren't sure about. We were told that we'd be coming in for stress tests about every other day until I delivered, just to keep a safe watch on Shmu. For having a pretty calm, uneventful pregnancy (aside from being sick for so long!) we were in shock at how quickly problems had surfaced.

The following day, Tuesday the 21st, I was out on my beach cruiser with a friend, when I noticed that I hadn't felt Shmu move more than twice for the better part of the day. Knowing my little one, this was very odd and a cause for concern. Although I had an appointment for another stress test at 4pm, I called L&D and requested to come in a little earlier. When I described my concern, the nurse told me to come in right away! Her urgency made me feel a little on edge, but after waiting around for 7 hours the night before and checking out just fine, I didn't think there was any serious cause for concern. My friend came with me, thinking we'd be just about a half hour to an hour. When we got there, I was hooked up to monitors and before a few minutes had passed, it became clear that Shmu was having more heart decelerations. Right away, the doctor came to tell me she would be admitting me. In my state of shock, I had to ask what "admitting" meant. She told me, "We're inducing you." She said she'd rather deliver now, while the baby had enough of a healthy reserve than wait for the problem to escalate and have a baby with less stamina and ability to make it through a long, induced labor. I couldn't have been more shocked. I asked for her reasoning, I asked for some time to process, some time to talk with my husband. She gave me 15 or so minutes and in that time, I called Rudy, my mom, my mother in law, and a few friends. Before I knew it, three nurses were in my room trying to get an IV started. Two different nurses blew four veins before they decided to wait for the anesthesiologist to come. I was wheeled into my delivery room and noticed it was the very room we had just visited nights before on our hospital tour. I was constantly on the phone and answering texts, asking everyone to pray for Shmu's heart rate to stay up. I asked that people pray for our delivery, as I knew it would be much harder than I had hoped and wanted. During one of these conversations, my amazing nurse Laura made the connection that we were all believers and prayed for us right then and there.

By this time, Rudy had come and was busy setting up our room with all of our "tricks" to natural childbirth. We had my ipod and speakers with my hypnobirthing affirmation and relaxation scripts, honey sticks, birthing ball, massage gel, back massagers, three tennis balls in a sock for relieving back pain, belly bars (protein for stamina) and a refrigerator full of food and water and energy drinks. When we felt all settled in, my nurse said I could take a quick shower while we waited for the IV to be put in. (I still had smelly sun screen on from my bike ride!) By the time I was done and back on my bed, I was ready both in mind and body. The doctor came in to check me and talk to me about how this delivery could play out if Shmu continued to have decels during my contractions. We knew that anything could happen (most likely, a c-section) and that it all depended on how the baby did through my labor. Praise God, I was 80% effaced and at 2cm before the pitocin was used! This was very encouraging (as from all indication the night before, my body was not ready for labor), and I took this as a very real sign from the Lord, that He was with me, helping my body begin to work. The anesthesiologist had been attending a c-section and after waiting a total of 4 hours, we finally got things going. By 8pm we were ready for the pitocin and nothing said "go" to me more, than seeing that first drip fall from the bag down through the tube to my arm.

Obviously, I didn't know what to expect or how fast the Pit would take effect. We were up to the maximum level possible by midnight and they gave me 1 hour to let my body progress before breaking my water. From the horror stories I'd been told, I knew that once they did that, the serious work would begin. Prior to my water being broken, we were constantly struggling with keeping Shmu's heart rate on the monitor that was placed around my belly. Doing things naturally means moving around and changing positions every 15 to 30 minutes. Keeping Shmu's monitor in place made moving very difficult. At one point, we were told we had to stay on the bed. With my back labor as painful as it was lying down, the bed was the last place I wanted to be. So, Rudy very resourcefully suggested we sit on the birth ball on the bed. This was quite a sight, but it worked. Anything that worked at this point, was invaluable! Another sight to behold was me with my speakers glued to my ear. I had listened to the relaxation cd's every night for months and the words were so comforting to me during the majority of labor.

After my water was broken, it was obvious that Shmu wasn't doing well with my contractions increasing in strength, so I was given an oxygen mask to wear. I wore the mask for the remaining 6.5 hours of labor. It ended up doing the trick. As long as I took a huge breath at the onset of a contraction, Shmu's heart rate stayed normal. As annoying as the mask was, it encouraged me to breathe deeply for my baby, and in turn, the deep breaths enabled me to relax my body completely and let the contractions work to their full potential, without any adrenaline or tension to slow things down or make things more difficult. Sometime around 3 or 4am, I started repeating in my mind, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" while going through a contraction. The surges were coming in every minute and were very intense. Towards 6am, I had Michelle and Rudy saying those words out loud for me and it was then that I felt I had reached my limit. I had been checked and was told that I was only 5cm, going on 6cm. I was devastated, thinking that if the pain I was experiencing was only a 5, there was no humanly possible way I could make it to 10. After facing each contraction one by one, for another 30 minutes, I felt the need to push and that my baby was right there, ready to come out. This didn't make much sense at the time because I was thinking I was still only at 5 or 6cm. However, trusting my body, we called for the nurse and we were told I was at full dilation!! My first thought was, "PRAISE GOD!!" and my second thought, "I can't believe we did it!" Shmu came after 26 minutes of pushing. I remember being amazed I had survived and then flooded with a million emotions of love and amazement at the sight of our baby! :) Rudy caught the little guy (5lbs 7oz) and cut his cord after it had stopped pulsating. Our son was placed immediately on my chest, skin to skin and stayed there for an hour before any other procedures were done with him. It was a beautiful hour and hours that followed.

Shmu's cord had been very twisted from all his movements in utero. It was noted as a possible reason for his heart decels and smaller birth weight. Other than having low blood sugar level and needing to spend a day in the NICU, our boy was healthy and safely with us!! :) Thank you, God, for blessing us beyond our wildest dreams! Thank you, for helping us through every minute of the birth and for giving us the desire of our hearts.

I couldn't have done any of it without my wonderful husband and amazing friend, Michelle. They were such rock solid support and were working non-stop from the beginning to the end of it all without any breaks. Thank you, both of you, for being an amazing team, for believing in me, and for helping me accomplish the challenge of a lifetime. I love you!