Or is it? When I came home from the doctor's appointment the other day, I purposefully only Googled for about 10 or 15 minutes and then made myself stop. Somehow, yesterday, I found myself on a chat board with women who all have a bicornuate uterus. I'm left wondering if that was a good thing.
Of course when you read boards you hear everything from A to Z, some mild cases and some worst-case scenarios. Before I began reading, I was feeling somewhat comforted by the fact that we have Kyle. That it worked for us pretty well the first time and I convinced myself that that must mean my fusion isn't as deep as it could be. Wrong! As I scrolled down the list of comments left by these women, I read over and over again from women who'd had normal, healthy pregnancies with their first child only to have really scary and sad scenarios with their second. Survival rates across the board are only 51 - 60%. So for every positive story there was a very bad one right after.
I'm sure it's good to mentally prepare yourself for the possibilities of what could come and not be blind-sighted, but there's a fine line between being prepared and being worried. I was really trying not to be (worried). The difficult thing about this is that the possibilities really run the gammon. I know logically it is futile to worry because this could be a very healthy pregnancy and I'd hate to spend the entire time on edge just waiting for something to happen. On the other hand, the risks are very real and worry is a hard thing to shake.
I think every pregnant mother or mother waiting to receive a child thinks, plans, and dreams about what that day will look like. We wonder when the baby will come and how the delivery will go, etc. It feels strange to me to be completely in the dark about it all now. I mean, it's always relatively unknown, but most mothers (I think!) can make plans for sometime around their due date, or at least start out thinking that way. Not only do I not know when, but I'm not even sure how this baby will come. C-sections are pretty common because babies often present in a breech position. So while I spent 3 months preparing for a natural labor with Kyle, I don't even know that any of it would be necessary this time around. And for a planner like me, it feels a bit weird, like I'm just winging it or something.
So is ignorance better? It sure made my pregnancy with Kyle easier! I think although I'm more scared now, after reading so much, I am grateful for the time to wrap my head around it all. I promise not to blog every time worry gets the better of me. :)
Of course when you read boards you hear everything from A to Z, some mild cases and some worst-case scenarios. Before I began reading, I was feeling somewhat comforted by the fact that we have Kyle. That it worked for us pretty well the first time and I convinced myself that that must mean my fusion isn't as deep as it could be. Wrong! As I scrolled down the list of comments left by these women, I read over and over again from women who'd had normal, healthy pregnancies with their first child only to have really scary and sad scenarios with their second. Survival rates across the board are only 51 - 60%. So for every positive story there was a very bad one right after.
I'm sure it's good to mentally prepare yourself for the possibilities of what could come and not be blind-sighted, but there's a fine line between being prepared and being worried. I was really trying not to be (worried). The difficult thing about this is that the possibilities really run the gammon. I know logically it is futile to worry because this could be a very healthy pregnancy and I'd hate to spend the entire time on edge just waiting for something to happen. On the other hand, the risks are very real and worry is a hard thing to shake.
I think every pregnant mother or mother waiting to receive a child thinks, plans, and dreams about what that day will look like. We wonder when the baby will come and how the delivery will go, etc. It feels strange to me to be completely in the dark about it all now. I mean, it's always relatively unknown, but most mothers (I think!) can make plans for sometime around their due date, or at least start out thinking that way. Not only do I not know when, but I'm not even sure how this baby will come. C-sections are pretty common because babies often present in a breech position. So while I spent 3 months preparing for a natural labor with Kyle, I don't even know that any of it would be necessary this time around. And for a planner like me, it feels a bit weird, like I'm just winging it or something.
So is ignorance better? It sure made my pregnancy with Kyle easier! I think although I'm more scared now, after reading so much, I am grateful for the time to wrap my head around it all. I promise not to blog every time worry gets the better of me. :)
I'm glad you're getting some diversion with your trip back east (at least I hope that worked out for you). Time will help you get used to the idea, and reflecting on the MANY ways God has taken care of you in the past will help. Praying for you! Love, AJ
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