Our Beloved Baby Boy

Jonathan would be close to 4 years old by now. This year, I don't have words for today. I've already said as much as I could and our thoughts and actions to honor him feel so personal.

We'll wait longer to share more details with Kyle, but one of these years we will take him with us to visit Jonathan's grave. We both know that that day will be very, very hard as Kyle is so intuitive, sensitive, and deeply loves his little brother. On the way home from school one day last year, I overheard the most endearing and heartbreaking conversation where Kyle was telling Gavin all about Jonathan. Hearing Kyle's words was so very bittersweet. I could hardly breathe past the lump in my throat. Though I doubt Gavin would even now grasp the concept, Kyle, at not yet 2 years old, absolutely did. He always has. This year, in particular, he's talked a lot about his missing brother. There is hardly a family picture drawn where he doesn't include Jonathan up in heaven looking down on us.

This is a picture he drew almost a year ago. He really wanted it up on our wall, so it has been there ever since.

Jonathan is loved and missed so very much.